July 3rd, 2008

July 2nd I went to speech therapy w/ Matt. I Really pushed him to do what we asked of him. I sorta stepped in and took over because I wanted results. Matt has to be pushed. He needs continuous pushing to do what we know he can do. Its what I like to call tough love. Its hard to be gruff with him but He did it. We also have to be excited about the things we are asking him to do. For example the girls at SDSU hooked a radio up to a push button, so all Matt had to do was push and hold the button to play music. If we get excited to hear the music and get into it then it will excite him more to do it. He does get a little angry when we raise our voices and really push at one thing, but he will do it.
That same Night I came over and watched a movie with him. I laid in his bed next to him while watching the movie. I turned my body sideways to the left. I Fell asleep and when I woke up he had snuggled up next to me, arms around me, head on mine.Opening my eyes to see his sleeping face next to mine felt so amazing! It felt normal again. I wanted to freeze time and remember it forever! When I get those moments with him my heart just aches. It makes me want more and more.
Today I went over to his house and stood on the bench over him and made him push his right hand up to me. I Had him place his hand on my thigh and move it down half way to my knee, then back up for arm control. Every time I told him to reach for me he did. He continued doing this with me for about 10 minutes. You can only keep Matt's attention for a short period of time with certain things unless he enjoys what he's doing.
We had alone time together which we don't normally have, so it was nice. He really focused on what I was saying. I really felt like I had my boyfriend back. It was a pretty amazing feeling. I got Lots of kisses. Communication between us was pretty amazing too. I'd ask for a kiss and he would give me one. I asked for a hug and he would give me one.
I told him while I was crying like a baby, (I really need to stop doing that) that I needed him back. I just missed him like crazy! I needed him to get better, I just needed him to tell me everything will be okay. He just lifted his arm up and put it on my shoulder, and I buried my face in his chest. I kind of felt bad afterward because He had a tear in his eye. I told him I was sorry for being so emotional, It's just that there are days and moments that I can't deal with it all and I just want to snap my fingers and have everything go back to normal. I want him so badly. There's so much going on in my life that I want to share with him and do with him.
I know there is light at the end of this road though and that's why I'm holding on to him. If I have to, I'll hold on forever.