Thanksgiving Day!!

Matt gave me the best Thanksgiving Day ever! As I was sitting there on Matts bench (he was laying out on his bench)I was just talking to him and he started making noises like he was going to talk. So I kept talking to him telling him to tell me what he wanted to say. I kept saying Happy Thanksgiving Babe I love you! He would just look at me with that look like he was trying to say something, it was then I noticed he was lifting his arm up to put in on my shoulder. I leaned over and hugged him. As I did that he gave me a hug. :) But this hug also lead him to put his hand in my hair and rub my head. It was so nice. I just closed my eyes and for a second it felt like the times before. He knew exactly what I needed! Thank you Matt! I love you babe! This is only the beginning!!

November 26th, 2008

Yesterday I went with matt to his vision therapy. It was nice to spend time with him during the day. By the time I usually get off work and get into ramona he's usually asleep. Yesterday I saw how much he is alert and aware of what's going on. It makes me feel so good when he sees me and his face lights up. Its such a good feeling. While we were sitting in therapy I just reached out my hand to matt and he stretched his arm out to mine and grabbed my hand. If I give him a squeeze he gives me one back. He's continuing to work hard, heal, and show us new things to give us all hope.
I recently have been struggling, I've been down about some things. Unfortunately I have been surrounded by negativity. I fight those demons everyday. I know there are so many people out there that love me and just want what's best for me. The thing is, Matt is what's best for me. He is my whole life. If I didn't love him unconditionally I wouldn't be here now. He has taught me so much in these last 8 months. I cannot even imagine my life without him. The accident happened, it hurts, and there will be days that I'm going to be sad and angry, but when our eyes meet he speaks to me. He loves me and I love him. So you carry the memories of the past and hope for even better memories in the future. He'll always be Matt, no matter what. I fell in love with who he is, his heart not the worldly things. Yes there will be life adjustments, there will be trialing times, and yes there will be difficult days but even through all that I still have the love of my life and to me its all worth it.
So on this Thanksgiving day think about what you are thankful for, and what makes your life so full of love and life. I am thankful for seconds chances, new starts, matts continuous recovery, matts amazing family, my beautiful niece, and my family of course. Dad, Mom, Matt, and Cristi; I'm only here because you all have been there for me through my most difficult time. I love you all so much!
Happy thanksgiving everyone!!

Happy 2 Year Anniversary!!!

Matt,
I know someday you'll read this, and I hope it'll be sooner than later. Today was our 2 year anniversary! Can you believe it?
I spent most of my day thinking back on our memories and all the fun things we have done over the past 2 years. I also thought a lot about when we first met. Our first kiss, our first movie date, everything. It put a smile on my face. Last night I brought over your present. I made you a picture poster. You just starred at it and looked at everything. I was telling you about each picture and you followed my finger to each one. One picture you smiled as I told the story of the picture to your parents. It warmed my heart to see that smile.
Matt you are my life, the minute you walked into my life I fell in love with you. You filled a spot in my heart, made me believe in love again, and showed me what a real relationship was suppose to be like. I know now more than ever that we were meant for eachother.
After the accident I was pretty much in denial. I knew it was bad but to me I saw you, I didn't see the bad parts, I only saw you. As the days turned to weeks I still kept holding on to the fact that I felt you and you were still in there. Weeks then turned to months and yes it has been hard, sometimes so incredibly lonely. But I still feel you. Maybe that's what makes it hard. I can't ever give up hope. I feel you so much! I have this burning sensation in my heart, and I know its coming from you.
Today was difficult. I won't lie. I thought a lot about what we were doing this time last year. Remember we went to the hospital in Murrieta and waited on the arrival of my baby niece? My poor sister she was in labor for hours and hours and then didn't have her till the next day! We celebrated Taylors birthday in downtown with all the friends, and then we traveled to temecula and spent the weekend at temecula creek inn just spending time together. We had a couples massage which was heavenly! Those were good times.
If feels like everything is so different now. But one thing has remained the same...our love for eachother. If anything we have gotten closer. This accident has made us insepartable. No matter how long it takes for you to heal I will be here till the end! I'll never leave Matt I promise! What's funny is that I was thinking about what all little girls say when they start asking questions to their mommys..."but how do you know its the real thing? How do you know its true love that will last forever and ever?" I'm almost 24 and I finally figured it out! When you go to sleep thinking of that person, wake up thinking of that person, every conversation you have somehow links back to that person, when your just sitting there and a smile comes across your face because his picture popped into your head, or when something tragic happens and the future is uncertain but all you want to do is be there, hold him, love him, pray for him, cry with him, and wispher "I love you, please keep holding on" that's when you know its the real thing!
The reason for writing all this is for you to be able and look back on what you missed. I want you to know every thing! I want you to know I never gave up hope. And I never will. And one day we will all sit around and talk about everything that happened while you were sleeping and healing. One day we will be together again.
I love you Matt! And I'm hoping for many more years to come. You have such a bright and beautiful future ahead of you.
I love you, I love you more, I love you most, I love you mostest, I love you mostest times infinity to the infinity power sealed with a kiss!!! I win!! :) Lindsey aka your little girl...

November 12, 2008

I'm so sorry its been so long since I have posted. I was out of town for a week and of course the 1st week back to work is always hectic.
First I want to say that being away for a week opened my eyes to really see how much progress Matt continues to make everyday. I think when you are with someone everyday you don't always see how much progress they are making.
Matt continues to make progress on his left side. Its getting stronger and stronger. We continue to get him standing in his harness, we have him sitting in his chair for a few hours at a time a couple times a day too.
Just recently they had his blood tested and it came back that his iron level was low. So we are trying to figure out how to adjust his diet so that he won't be so tired all the time. Just yesterday we had his eyes tested. Turns out that he has double vision, his depth perception is off, and tracking is also off. Its really just the muscle control in his eyes. So we have a patch that we put on one eye at a time, and some different vision therapy exercises that we will continue to do with him to get his muscle control back to what it was before. The eye doctor said that the back of his eyes looked beautiful. No damage! So that was relieving! Once she started playing around with different lenses and seeing what Matt's reaction would be, it became a lot easier for Matt to track and follow directions as far as following your finger, voice and so on. His parents said it was really amazing seeing Matt do these things. I'm hoping that as his muscles gain strength it will make physical therapy in general a lot easier. Everything will be so much more clear.
I recently just read a book by Nicholas Sparks called "The Choice". It literally is the story of Matt and I. Blew my mind away. I was in the Chicago airport last week killing time before my flight and I wandered into a bookstore. It was there that I picked this book up and decided to buy it and read it on my way home. Its quite amazing how God will put things into your life at just the right time. I had absolutely no idea this book would walk me down memory lane and show me there is light at the end of the tunnel. The one question that the writer kept writing in each chapter was "how far would you go to keep the hope of love alive?"I guess that's a question that goes through my mind everyday. And my answer is this: I will fight till the end. I will never give up hope that one day I will get the love of my life back. Yes, times right now are uncertain and hard, but our love has gotten us through the hardest parts so far. Our love has given him and I strength to get through another day. I know one day he will call out to me, he will speak, he will walk again, he will smile and laugh, he will return to us all. I can't ever give up hope.
I Say this all the time but Matt is a fighter. He always will be. He's in there and he's waiting for us to come and get him. He does not want is to give up hope.
I am truly not looking forward to the holiday season. It will be very different and hard on all of us. Matt always loved the holidays. We put our first Christmas tree up last year together. I put my stocking up, his stocking up, and Riley's (our dog) up on the mantel on the fire place. I took so much pride in the decorations and how Nice the house looked. I felt like we were a family. So even though he might not be all there for this holiday season I have decided to go forth with everything I would do as if everything were normal. That's what Matt would want. And who knows maybe ill get my Christmas wish. Just maybe.

The important thing to remember is that Matt struggles everyday trying to get to us. He's trying to build his strength and heal all at the same time. He needs all of our love and support to help him through this. He needs your continued prayers, and positive thoughts. As we all do coming into the holiday season. Non of us can do this alone.

So with all that said I will leave you with this quote; "Learn from Yesterday, Live for Today, Hope For Tomorrow."